Sarah Meets World

The world is not angels and butterflies. I am finally being forced to reconcile with this fact. I’ve had a charmed life. I blame my parents, only half blame, though. They gave the boys and me all the good in the world. They gave us love, stability, sustenance, creativity, fun, attention and freedom. Despite the freedom, we still were kept in a somewhat sheltered and limited world, not experiencing/knowing all that was out there. As I’ve said before, I remember my childhood as being magical, being complete. Magical in the discoveries, the trials, the triumphs. My childhood, nor my family, was perfect, but we had love and happiness. The negatives seem few and far between.

Now, I only half blame my parents for my charmed life – I accept the other part of the blame. I looked (look) at the world in rose-colored glasses. I did not look at or fixate on that which was not rosy. I built my world around the goodness, I did not engage myself in activities that would invite uncharmed results I believe the boys accepted (did not reject) some uncharmed parts of life. They did not willfully ignore it as I did. That makes them stronger people in some regards. Anyway, because they experienced the less-than-rosy world first- and second-hand, I know it was not all mom and dad’s “fault.” (Though it was Dad who would whisper “angels and butterflies” to me before I went to bed – still does, when I’m around). But me, I still like to deny it and avoid it.

Yet another trait my adventure is molding. It is imperative I come to embrace the world for what it is and all it contains. No matter how much I don’t want to. And I am being forced to here, in this time of my life. Life is poverty, intoxication, ignorance… life is screwworms, cockroaches and spiders… life is fear, suspicion and unstructured. Life is not all these things all the time… but it certainly is not all angels and butterflies, either. I mourn the loss, the defilement of my rosy world. But, I welcome the clarity.