The airstrip is a strip of pebbly road, free from plants – and also free from asphalt. It’s about 10 minutes or so away from K/bu Lodge. There is no ‘check in’ time; it’s a simple matter of driving to the airstrip and waiting for the plane, a small 12-seater. A crew of people came to see me off, and I stood, watching them, feeling the images, memories and symbols they’ve come to represent to me.
I look sadly, at Ashley and Cindy and their two children, Sasha and Shasta. They came out together, on motorbike, to see me off and to go fishing, and what seemed like a nice family outing, was filled with sadness at a couple falling apart. I remember that Ashley helped sponsor the trip to Mapari but did not come on the trip. I am reminded of the difficulties of relationships down here. I feel for both, who are equally my friends, but don’t know how things will be resolved.
In Cindy, I see a confident, assertive young woman, who is three years younger than I am, but with her outgoing personality and three children, she at times seemed older. I look at her and see how hard raising children can be, and how finding your way in life truly becomes more difficult (not impossible, but more difficult) with having children. I see someone who has done well for herself in the village, with her house, and involvement in the village and Caiman House. I see a good friend who included me, and who I spent many nights of loud fun with her and her brood.
When I look at Ashley, I see confusion. I see a man with still waters, a stoic man who has embraced the land much more fully than many of the born and bred Guyanese have. I see someone I could without a doubt depend on, someone who is struggling against the negative influences of his environment. He’s done a noble job of it, but I see the weight of the years pressing down upon him and wonder if I, too, would feel that way if I stayed so long, too.
Oswin, standing with some of the girls, the kid (ok, man, technically) who has been like a little brother to me, who is GOOD, and easy-going and helps out so much. Oswin, who was working at K/bu and was going back that day; he brought his bag and bike to be able to pedal there. He calls me ‘Sarah Bara’ or sometimes just ‘Bara’ and we had a habit of scrunching up our noses at each other when we saw each other, a great feeling of familiarity. He has a good opportunity to learn and earn money at K/bu and I’m glad he’s sticking it out. He seems to demonstrate the potential of interested individuals in the village, I so strongly wish him to continue with his interests.
Michelle came with Alicia, and I look at her as a common Rupununi young woman – a teenage mother who has the burden of a child while she’s still living at home and has no support. I think she is happy, but there is no variety to her life. Does she want variety? I don’t know. I regret not learning that answer.
I look at Miranda and see a kind, hospitable young woman, who really made it easy to enjoy exercising together for the past month, easy to talk to her, easy to include her in my life. I look at her and see what a stable family, encouragement and an education in Town can do to help a person down here.
Maisie came, too, and I see a woman who tries so hard to teach her students and her village, who thinks of things others don’t and who always made me feel special. The mere fact that she came to the airstrip with all the rest of us meant a lot. I look at her and know she cannot do it all, be it all, to everyone, and I know she has good intentions, but I also think of people’s negative feelings towards those who have done well for themselves in the village. There are disgruntled feelings of inferiority attached to the separation that comes with education and money.
I look at Fernando and see a typical Rupununi Man; you can depend on him to be undependable, but at the end of the day, he pulls through and can make things happen. I look at him and see goodness and incorribility, I see mistakes made, and a potential path towards redemption. I see someone who, for better and worse, was a big source of support to me, and someone who is not only smart, but capable in many instances. I yearn for him to seek out his passion and reach that potential; I hope he seeks and then finds his place.
Rosita and Alicia, who only just came back with us from our river trip to Mapari stood in the background of things, in quiet support. I was glad and proud of them for coming on the trip, I think they had fun, and I was glad they wanted to come to see me off. I look at Alicia and see a quiet young woman, with typical schooling in the village, who had the interest and courage and dedication to pursue that interest enough to come and work in the library. I see her timidity and insecurities, I see the tendency for disconnected village ways to creep in sometimes, but she’s on a good path, one that no one forced or pushed her into, one she found herself. I look at her and remember how she’s been sick –with what, no one knows – and I worry for not getting health problems sorted out down here. I look at her and remember how volunteer Jeff took her to Lethem to get checked out and how he sees a whole other side of her when they are together. He sees more in her, and his attention makes her more beautiful. I hope there are no troubles for them in the village. It could happen, though I know Jeff is pleasantly unbothered by irrelevant commentaries.
It was with Rosie, the first person I had to hug goodbye, who made me start crying. I was wondering why it was her, because I know it was something about HER that made me cry. I decided it was because she seems to be an exact example of the good and the potential of my job. She, my work, is what I am leaving behind. There’s so much I have done with her, and so much I want to do with her more. She was a part of my passion for books and kids. We did some wonderful work together in the past year, and she has so much potential to be a leader in Caiman House (a revolutionary occurrence there, an average female village leader). I look at her and see a quiet, but secretly funny and cheerful young woman who went out and attended school in GT, who worked for Bina Hill, and who is a proper young woman, who still has fun in the village. I only see goodness in her, and it’s the goodness that keeps pulling me back, to that village, to that work.
I look at Shamir, and see…. too much. I see someone taking his own path in life, but not in a conscious, brave effort/choice, but in a manner that suggests he simply is compelled to go that route. He’s taking himself into uncharted territories, non-ordinary village things, and it’s hard for him. He’s still figuring out how to settle himself. I look at him and see a quiet, humble strength, a sensitivity that’s made things hard at times, but is what I love about him too, because it’s lead to some wonderful conversations and realizations about life and the world. I look at him and see lessons learned. I see disappointment and exciting redemption, I see comfort, and fear, and two and a half years of bikes, laughter, tears, hugs and words. I see first love. Only with my impending departure have we begun to bridge the gap of so many issues and feelings, and I don’t know what the future will bring, but he has made my time in Yupukari filled with lived life.
This is what I saw and took in, during my last moment in the Rupununi. A lot of splendour, anxiety, love and anguish. The same emotions, more or less, upon my arrival to the village, though after three years, these feelings have expanded beyond my own self and have grown to include these people and more. It sometimes feels as if I have taken them all in, the good and the bad, and sometimes I can’t hold in or hold up the weight of that choice. (Even understanding that taking everyone in allowed me to be most effective and feel most alive.) With leaving comes a feeling of betrayal – and relief.
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