"Me" Defined

I just found out that Anthony, one of the first people I met here in Y, and one of the people I interact the most with, is engaged to Maria, a woman who works at CH and they live together and have a little daughter. How could I know Anthony for all this time and not know he had a wife and kid? It amazes me I could not have already known such a big fact about someone I’ve known for almost 5 months. How unperceptive of me, how rude of me not to find out such a staple component of one’s life.

Though as I reflected on my lack of proper attention to things and deficiency of questions asked, I also began to reflect on a big cultural difference – maybe it is not considered a staple component here? Sure, I hadn’t asked him if he had a family of his own – but neither did he tell/show me he had a family of his own, nor did the situation to find out by happenstance (before now) occur. To me, Anthony appeared to be acting as a single guy – I never heard Maria’s name mentioned, she didn’t accompany him places, he didn’t talk about home or the baby. Franzea (her and Anthony are brother and sister) never brought it up when talking about her family. No family outings to be seen, no rings on fingers.

Which leads me to an observation of MY culture – Americans are a lot more self conscious. We have a strong idea of what it means to be “me” and are quick to inform others. You know, those basic things like profession, family status; anything we feel defines us, clarifies who we are, separates us from the crowd. Also, to Americans, to meet a person is to share names. Our names are the first thing that makes us distinct. Sure, you may learn someone’s name and then forget it and have to ask again later or find out from someone, but you go into a conversation with that simple understanding. Our basic human interactions are to share names, share occupation – how one generally occupies their time. It is to share significant others and small details of the relationship – been together 3 years, engaged, just married, married 2 years, recently divorced, widowed. It is to share if you have any children and it is customary for parents talk about their children. TOO much, even. Is this done out of pride? Need for self definition? Pompousness? Or just assertiveness? And a clear self concept? Not sure.

Attention to the self is not stressed here. There is a certain humility and quietness about those I meet. There is definitely pride in accomplishments and they know how to enjoy themselves, but that “I” factor seems fairly non-existent.

How do we define who we are? Is it our daily activities? Those we surround ourselves with? Our actions? What are the key things about you you’d want people to know?

Perhaps Anthony does not need to be “Husband” or “Father” to be a good friend, guide and village representative... but don’t those roles add to and further define who he is? Can you really know someone without knowing some of these basic facts? Or are these facts even considered basic by Guyana?