Egg Nog, Side of Rum

Somehow, I don’t think the Christmas Coping Mechanism involves mind-altering substances. Still, though, is it avoidable? Where a couple beers makes listening to that reggae version of Auld Lange Synge a little more tolerable – hell, if not enjoyable. Not to dog reggae Christmas Carols – actually, there’s something so right about the combination of reggae and Christmas, it CAN’T be wrong. One of the joys I’m experiencing this holiday season.

But still, the effect of ingesting a couple beers or drinks, loosening the tongue, smoothing away the worry lines, making things a little more humorous… it’s been a good thing. It’s kept me on the optimistic side of the Holidays thus far. This is my second year away from home. I’ve done this once before; it’s bound to be easier, go smoother this year, right?

I sometimes think it would be better to be able to brush past the day all together, not even think about it, let alone celebrate it. It wouldn’t be too hard to just treat it like any other day here; all past traditions and holiday atmosphere is nowhere near my vicinity. But, no, instead, I get the name “Christmas” still thrown around, I get to hear imitations of the old Christmas hits, I see cheap, secondhand Christmas lights and decorations put up, I still see the talk about it online. And so a reminder of what was, what is and what is not.

If I were at home: I'd have gone to the Plaza at Thanksgiving to watch the lights turn on for the season. I would have gone to Crown Center to ice skate and shop. I would make peanut butter cookies with Hershey's Kisses in the middle. I would rock out every day to TSO's "Carol of the Bells." I would go to Panera Bread with Lacey and Devon to exchange gifts and eat Broccoli and Cheese soup out of a bread bowl. I would go to Midnight Mass and be assaulted by the smell of Frankincense. I would smell the smells of a fresh Christmas tree in my parents' house and I would hang up my favorite, meaningful ornaments. I'd wear scarves like nobody's business. I'd walk through our decorated dilapidated malls, remembering when I used to work at the Santa Photo Booth and Santa Train. I'd eat tamales at Nana and Papa's house, make gingerbread men and sugar cookies. I'd be going shopping to buy presents for loved ones, feeling either stressed or excited (or both) about what to get each one.

But, it’s dumb to linger on the past, huh? What WAS. I’m fortunate to have a change of scenery, new experiences. Plus, even if I WERE at home, I understand that all these old traditions may not still be used. Times change. The family’s gotten older. The last few years before I left, our family let our traditions go more and more, though I still tried to cling to them. Change is inevitable.

It occurs to me that in the years after one finishes school, and before they get a good, solid family of their own going, there is a sort of limbo, where old traditions are lost, and new traditions are not yet to come. To me the definition of “Christmas” means “ x.” This must change. There is the duality of wanting things to stay the same but also anticipating the future and the change that comes with it. No matter how fondly I look back at my past Christmas memories, I do acknowledge that at the time, to some degree, I could not WAIT for this time in my life, I could not wait to be as old as I am now.

Mike played Elf the other day in CH. He's staying in the village this year for Christmas and I'm excited to have a person around who celebrates a little more similar to me. Last year, I spent Christmas here in my village and truly, it was a time when I got to know people and processes A LOT better, and for that, I am thankful. However, it was hard, and I didn't realize it until the day of and then after, how the differences really affected me. The tastes of Christmas here were mere appetizers, not the full-blown traditions I'm used to at home.

Mike and I began to dissect Christmas. As if, by compartmentalizing the event, we could micromanage it into conquerable pieces. (or make sense of what we were – or weren’t – feeling). First, take away the immense marketing of the Holiday – the commercials, the sales, the displays, the hype of parties, etc. Then, take away the family. Take away the cold weather. Take away the holiday parties, the icons like egg nog, mistletoe and Santa Claus… What’s left? Well, there’s the slight atmosphere of Christmas: some smells, songs, the breaks from work, the feelings of generosity, goodwill and love… Though the atmosphere is sort of a culmination of the other stuff, isn’t it? Still, there is a lingering thread of the Christmas atmosphere here, to an extent.

It’s just a pale version of what I’m used to and that can be hard. What is neat, though, is the atmosphere that does seep in. A tree decorated, even if it’s not a pine tree and it’s with recycled containers and white paper colored on. Christmas carols sung by the children or at church. Cheap, weak Christmas lights strung up on a house. Yesterday, Miranda’s birthday, the young men go together and strung lights on a cashew tree outside the Li’s house. A big cardboard design of bells that had lights in it was raised on a pole in the middle of the tree, and then lights were draped around the branches, as icicles hung from the roof of the house. Once darkness hit, the lights gave off that wonderful Christmas ambiance. Spending time at the Li’s, too, was a feeing of family, one that helped make my Christmas spirit glow a little more.

Things like this are going to be appreciated the next week or so, no matter how few and far between (or how mild), but I do know that the accompaniment of some smooth 5 year El Dorado Rum and/or an ice cold Banks Beer will help Christmas go down, too.

Ultimately, it comes down to how much you can strip away from the holiday you know and still have it be a holiday, still have it feel like one. A lot was stripped away from what Mike and I knew as the holiday – people, places, things – but taking away these things did not take away the holiday as a whole.