Too Long of a Season

How the crap am I supposed to help here? Be effective? What do you all expect me to do? No one wants to inform me, no one wants to work with me. What is the point of a third year if there are no changes?

It's as if Spring is fighting to come in, the grass is poking its tips out of the earth, but blizzards keep coming, keep the warmth from spreading.

It’s a level meeting this afternoon, for grades 5 and 6. Parents are invited to attend, and teachers are there as well. As someone who works closely with the school, you’d think I’d be informed, at least – but I wasn’t. As I work closely with grade 6, you’d think I’d be informed, invited and asked to participate and or help. That’s what I’m here for, right? To add something to the mix? To work alongside them, have the same goals?

Change takes time, sure, but I think for me, what the most frustrating part is, is that at this point, the mix ups/lapses/backwards ways of acting are no longer new. You used to feel shocked by them, but you let pass because you didn’t understand things, or you told yourself you wouldn’t be able to help in the amount of time you've been there, so let it be. Or maybe it's not your place to harp on them.

If I were to choose to harp on each every day frustrating aspect, I’d have no time to do anything else and I’d be miserable and make those around me miserable, too.

So letting things slide is probably for the best, but at this point, it’s become something I have to see every day, and not see change to it, either. Every meeting I attend now, when invited, seems pointless, with no purpose, no visible objective achieved. People keep making the same mistakes, more than once, more than twice.

I have to nose myself into a meeting? I have to re-direct the flow of conversation? I have to insist upon doing things MY way, since they won’t let us work together to create OUR way? it feels like it.

This passiveness is getting a little to much for me to handle.