The Unknown

So, while waiting in the horrific queue to get an ultrasound done at a Guyanese Emergency Center/lab/pharmacy, I was reading this short story by Edgar Allan Poe called “Spectacles.” This guy happens to glance at this woman in an opera box during a performance and declares it love at first sight and he pursues her, and she returns the affection and within the first night of actually meeting each other, they agree to marry. He is slightly vain and she seems to be older than he by what she calls a significant amount. He doesn’t care, and when her only stipulation to their marrying so quickly be that he wears these pairs of spectacles, he readily agrees. At this point, knowing Poe the amount I think I do, I was thinking “ok, she’s like a witch who’s preserved her look as a young woman, but really is ancient and the glasses show her for her true age and he’s forced to stay married to her and suffers the rest of his life!” or something like that. It didn’t end like that, but it was still Poe-ish and hilarious – when he agrees and puts on the glasses, they perfect his sight and up close, he sees rotted teeth, ugly make up and she’s OLD! He was the heir she was looking for, and when she realized that he was enamored by her, she decided to mess with him, so it was en elaborate joke on him, and then he ended up marrying her younger relative whom everyone thought he was into to begin with. Hilarious, suspenseful, weird but not sinister as I expected Poe to be.

So yeah, the Clinic. We have a doctor and nurse with Peace Corps, but their exams are limited, so they send us out to other specialists in the Town to get exams, then send the results back to the PCMOs. I was there for an abdominal ultrasound, me and about 40 other people. People I don’t know, a procedure I don’t know, the dynamics I am unclear on….in pain and worried about my health…. Not good. This pain that’s been intermittently been plaguing me for 3 months has finally come to a climactic head, and all without my mom, 911 and a hospital procedure I know and trust in. The culmination of all of this was enough to push me over the edge early early Tuesday morning, and leave me haggard late Tuesday morning while I waited. Luckily, once I was seen by the doctor, a Dr. Anand Joshi, relief was the primary emotion.

I’d seen him in and out of his little office/exam room during the morning and he seemed abrupt and impersonal. As it was, he called me into the room, told me to lay down and pull up my shirt, as he continued to talk to the nurse. But as soon as he started examining, he started rapidly and matter of factly talking to me and asking questions that somehow seemed aware and personal at the same time. “What am I looking for?” was the first one, which struck me as odd – even referrals in the States would have files sent over and the doctor would know the basics beforehand if not at the moment. But, all that I came with was a paper with the words “abdominal ultrasound” on them. I told him we’re looking for mostly kidney stones, but described the pain and how it was happening. He asked more questions, quickly and skillfully to figure out what he could that’d help him with what he was doing, also asking me about being a PCV. He is a doctor from Bombay, India, and mentioned the fact that volunteers who leave home miss out on those years of income and work experience, to which I countered that most of the volunteers don’t really have work experience, and this is giving them cultural and developmental experience that can benefit them later.

He asked if I have a history of kidney stones in my family, I said not that I know of, and he says, “Well you must because I see here a good set of them. You have at least 3 in your left kidney….. and one in your right. I can’t imagine you living down there like that because you must be in a lot of pain.”

Tears of relief start coming as I choke out “Yeah!” This busy, matter of fact doctor from India working in Guyana who knows little to nothing about me, was able to quickly find the problem, make me feel at ease and sympathize with me, all in the period of 5 minutes. He cannot follow up, he cannot treat me, he cannot know what I will do with this information he’s given me. I do not know how these stones will come out, I do not know how serious it is, I do not know if my time with Peace Corps is over. I don’t know that it will be all right. But, at the moment, it was all right. It was the appropriate conclusion for the manner of medical issue.

We know what it is now, at least. There’s a name for it, a valid reason for my pain and discomfort. I wasn’t beyond diagnosing. I am so scared to be walking around with this – I’ve never had such a major medical issue before – and scared to go have surgery without my family around – hell, even a good friend. But I am relieved that it is treatable, easily recoverable, and in essence, minor. It will not affect my Peace Corps service, and when they’re out, I will be ok. Dealing with this is just another way that I am learning to deal with the world, on my own. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it...

Please for your prayers though. I leave for Panama on Sunday or Monday to get the surgery.