A Note to My Future Husband:

Only now, after 24 years of living, have I come to most clearly apply and understand the domestic ways of living, and perhaps earn the title of "woman" a little more strongly. I'm sorry you didn't marry someone with a greater head start! Regardless, I think learning and employing the skills NOW as an educated and perhaps semi-liberated woman, I've been able come to a healthy conclusion about the work. As a teenager, I was all about rebellion against gender roles and an equality amongst the sexes. I did no want society to tell me my roles as a woman in a family function or society (that, plus I enjoyed going against the grain). I am still like this in a way - I do still believe in equality, only a different sort of equality, and I still do not do or believe something because the masses say I should. Hopefully this is something you know and perhaps appreciate about me, if not feel the same way. But, I've learned that it's not gender roles, it's spousal roles; ones given by God and should be embraced. I recognize your place as head of our family, and I as a support. The Bible says "She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27. This is a somewhat separate conversation...

What I mean to get at, is that I will proudly take my role in our family, even if it means as the primary domestic spouse, for two reasons, one being the above spiritual understanding. Secondly, because I've learned of a satisfaction and pride in doing such work. I am proud to develop the skills and consider myself one of billions of women who do so, too, and I understand how important such tasks are to every day living. I know I've taken them, and my mom, for granted at times, never fully understanding the attention it requires. To be able to make the home function in such a seamless way? Masterful! Something to be proud of.

However, it's a thankless job. I don't mean I, or any woman, expect a daily, weekly, monthly thank you, I mean it is a job that's never a "job well done," a job complete. You wash a sinkful of dishes and empty the drain... you gotta wash another sinkful the next day. You scrub, scrub, scrub and get clothes clean... you gotta wash more dirt out of them a week or so later. The relentlessness, no matter how appreciated a woman will feel, is enough to wear her down, make her tired, resent the job some. (Something I've come to learn, at least. Other women will have to affirm or negate this). So a break would be appreciated. I tell you this so you'll know that even though there are roles and acceptance of those roles - whatever they may be - the roles must be fluid, at least at times. That I asking you to help out with the dishes or laundry (or whatever) would not be done out of expecting a marriage of "equality," but a marriage of understanding, partnership.
~Sarah

I don't know if I am expressing myself clearly with this "letter," though I just mean to talk about how I've come to better comprehend the complexities of household management. This stemmed from 1)recognition of the pride I feel doing such tasks and 2) the frustration I also feel at the ongoingness of it all - and this is just for myself! I don't think i could begin to fathom having to do it for a family. The awe at what so many woman (and recognizably, men, too) do on a day to day basis... overwhelms me. A toast to all these women and men. I hope to one day be an accomplished ama de casas (housewife) - among other things.