Simplicity of character -

- is the direct result of profound thought. ~Found in my fortune cookie ca. 2003

We've had some quite ‘worldly’ guests in CH. A bit over my head, out of my world, at times.

Sometimes, it’s something else to be here, so foreign. The guests I meet, the people I encounter (volunteer, HCN, ex-pats, etc.). So many of them have been so many places, seen so many things, done so many things, met so many people, have so many opinions and ideas and knowledge. Who have encountered peoples from all over, experienced different things, have educated themselves on various subjects. The kind of people who use phrases like “my favorite place in the planet” for example.

It is an uncomfortable reminder that there is a lot more going on out there in the world.

I alone entertained a couple guests, in particular, over a dinner and breakfast. One is a photographer who’s been in the area taking pictures for a book he is collaborating on. He is one of the top nature photographers of the world, I believe. He’s sold pictures to National Geographic, worked on some photographers’ organization in Europe and done guest stints on Wildlife TV shows around, and for BBC. He’s written a book about Mongolia, acted as a guide for different countries such as Antarctica, the Arctic and Australia.

Another is a horticulturist who’s worked for wealthy people in the states for years and well-travelled as well. She was volunteering in the country.
Impressive resumes and exciting to hear their tales. Intimidating, too, a little. I definitely didn’t have much to add to the dinner table conversation. But it was the post-dinner conversation that really hung me up.

The lady seemed so critical of Americans, religion and referred to many people as stupid. I think she considers close-minded people stupid, which I'm not necessarily saying is wrong, but it sorta seems almost an oxymoron almost to me, to judge people who judge others.

My mother country and my spiritual life were both insulted. I didn’t know how to respond.

It’s not just ‘worldly’ people combating what I stand for, though, and who do not share certain views that I do - I am in quite the minority here in the Rupununi, as a conservative, active Christian, for a start.

Those I am surrounded by don’t believe in monogamy; my good friends here do not believe that it’s possible for natural for two people to live a lifetime together, happily and loyally. My students are more sexually active than I am. Some youths who aren’t even considered adults in the states are mothers and housewives.
It’s just… weird. Different. Lonely. Sad.

Which, I guess is a difficulty I’d rather face, instead of bland neutrality all the time. I have felt more alive here than ever before. (Though I’ve also felt quite numb here, at times ever than before.) I guess I’d rather be challenged, questioned for my beliefs and find myself still holding them, than just blindly clinging to them. Can you have a strong grasp on (the depths of) your beliefs and faiths if it’s never tested? What would have happened if I had gone to, like, a college on the Bible Belt, and all that? I may have had and have less strife, but also be less aware, less sure of my beliefs.


So, I recognize the opportunity to be challenged and grow, but I guess I found myself wanting?

That night, I basically just let them talk. I mean, 1) because I didn't really have much to contribute, and sure, let them talk, it's obviously things they feel passionately about and want to talk, but also 2) I find myself not as concerned or opinionated about the topics as they are. And even if I don’t agree - with religion for example - it's not like I could sway them with one evening of conversation. And THEN, it’s not my place as a PCV to get involved in political or religious (to an extent) conversations. I listened, nodded, threw out some ‘oh’s’ and ‘uh huh’s’ and sometimes felt like saying ‘no,’ but not sure why exactly or how to express it, so didn’t vocalize it. I’m sure I handled things the right way at the time.

But on the other hand, I wondered if I'm lacking adequate 'counter-attacks.' I mean, these people had comments on such anthropologic stuff from religion, to war, to politics, to gender roles...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too bland. Too uninvolved. Too 'live and let live.'

Too content with simple things that won't solve problems.

There was no space for 'I laughed with a kid today and we read a book together' in the night's conversation. Which, I guess, admittedly, doesn't fit into every appropriate conversation. It certainly won’t stop national debt or nuclear war, not directly, at least. Nor should a teacher be expected to confront such issues; no one can be expected to undertake each and every subject matter.

What do I know? What can I contribute to a conversation like that one? Do I not know enough about my own country’s news and history? Do I not have enough opinions worthy of sharing?